I often have to stop and ask myself, "How did I get to this point in my life? How have things come to this?"
I think I have the answer: by going against my gut instincts, of course. I have repeatedly screwed myself over by listening to the mainstream, and going along. Not right away, of course. Oh noooo -- that would be much too easy and painless. At first, I've always at least tried to stick to my guns. Just long enough to make a good fight of it, inflict a fabulous array of wounds on myself and others, and then gone along against my better judgment.
Of course, coming from the South, it's kind of expected. Everyone in a small Southern town simply must conform, dontcha know? I have never in my life been met with such a paradoxical creature as the dwellers of small Southern towns. The kind, oh-so-Christian ladies who will bring you a casserole when there's a death or illness in the family will viciously tear you, and your entire life, to shreds if they sense that you are different. I've yet to figure out just how this dichotomy operates, exactly, but I do have some theories.... more later....
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
The Beginning of Sorrows
Well, I have finally done what I had sworn never to do-- I have started my own blog, thereby joining the masses of online entities flooding the web with their inane musings on life.
Now, don't get me wrong. There are a lot of really fine blogs out there by some really fine people with really fine ideas. But publishing a blog has always seemed, to me, to be an exercise in self-indulgence. For this reason, I've been more than just a bit hesitant to allow myself this outlet, lest I be forced to look upon myself in horror as one of "those" people.
You know the type: the strident moralists, the lonely losers looking for electronic validation of some sort, political hacks whose amazing hindsight is exceeded only by their sad belief that their guy (or gal) is going to fix the problems of humanity.... all these and more, various and sundry pontificats of the online world who are sometimes amusing, often annoying, and usually barely-read and disregarded. I recoiled in disgust at the thought of wading into this seething morass of humanity and inanity.
But then, it hit me: I'm a lonely loser, too. I'm just as confused as any of these poor saps (though I flatter myself that I have the advantage of at least being aware of my own confusion and uncertainty). I engage in the time-honored American armchair quarterbacking of politicians, pundits, and all the various other pornographers of our post-industrial clownshow.
So shouldn't I at least allow myself the comfort of the same guilty pleasure enjoyed by millions? Here I can lay my thoughts out there for all the world, and let them be what they are-- no more, and no less. I can ramble on incoherently with the best of the blogosphere, and maybe get some of that validation I've heard so much about in the process.
Now, don't get me wrong. There are a lot of really fine blogs out there by some really fine people with really fine ideas. But publishing a blog has always seemed, to me, to be an exercise in self-indulgence. For this reason, I've been more than just a bit hesitant to allow myself this outlet, lest I be forced to look upon myself in horror as one of "those" people.
You know the type: the strident moralists, the lonely losers looking for electronic validation of some sort, political hacks whose amazing hindsight is exceeded only by their sad belief that their guy (or gal) is going to fix the problems of humanity.... all these and more, various and sundry pontificats of the online world who are sometimes amusing, often annoying, and usually barely-read and disregarded. I recoiled in disgust at the thought of wading into this seething morass of humanity and inanity.
But then, it hit me: I'm a lonely loser, too. I'm just as confused as any of these poor saps (though I flatter myself that I have the advantage of at least being aware of my own confusion and uncertainty). I engage in the time-honored American armchair quarterbacking of politicians, pundits, and all the various other pornographers of our post-industrial clownshow.
So shouldn't I at least allow myself the comfort of the same guilty pleasure enjoyed by millions? Here I can lay my thoughts out there for all the world, and let them be what they are-- no more, and no less. I can ramble on incoherently with the best of the blogosphere, and maybe get some of that validation I've heard so much about in the process.
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